The Kids are not Alright

What is easy to screw up and almost impossible to fix? The answer is children. While some find it hard to remember what it was like to be young, I remember it with blazing clarity. I come from a place with a strong mother and a father who poured himself into his work with addictive commitment. Our household was bathed in religion and filled with love. I eventually learned to form my own opinions and as my life has taken many turns, I have arrived at solid ground in my personal life. Along the path, many of my stops have involved working with youth groups and talking to kids. Below, are just a few experiences that I want to share.
David was a kid in one of my youth groups. He was raised in a broken home by a mom who often exercised poor judgement, especially with men. I took a large group of kids on a retreat and as we sat around very late one night, David began to talk. He shared that he was aware that some people considered him to be crazy and he wanted to explain what makes him the way he is. He reflected back to a time when he lived in a trailer with his mom and she had started dating a guy who wasn't very good. Although he was only 12, he tried to tell his mom that she could do much better. His mom ignored his warning and as he came home from school one day, this same guy had his mom pinned against a table in the kitchen and was yelling at her and slapping her. He went in and pulled the abuser off his mom. As a reward, the guy hit David and went back after his mom. David remembered going to his bedroom and getting a baseball bat and returning to the kitchen. He admits to blacking out as he went after the man who was hurting his mom but he also said that when he snapped back to reality, the guy was out of the house and his mom was safe. He recalled that he determined in his mind that nobody would ever be able to hurt him again (physically) and as he looked over to me...he said, and they haven't. He apologized to the other kids in the room if he had ever been rude or mean to them. Later, there was a time when a kid ran into the room where we were working with the kids and said that David was about to get into a fight outside with another kid in our group. As I arrived on the scene, the two of them were nose to nose. I ended up squeezing between them and as David said he wasn't going to back down, I said well I guess we''ll all have to fight then because you gotta swing through me to get to him. I watched as David's hard heart began to break and a tiny teardrop formed. We went from the edge of a free for all to a life changing event in an instant. David began to change and to trust people again and my last interaction with him was his announcement that he was going to be a father. I'm not sure how the story of David has unfolded since that time but one thing I've learned is that it's easy to screw a kid up but nearly impossible to repair one. All stories are not as dramatic as David's but there are tons of others to choose from. When you become a parent, doesn't it make sense to at least take care of your kids and to love them? If you want to take an only child and make them believe that the world revolves around them, you have every right to do so but they will be in for a rude awakening when real life sets in. If you insist on playing the game of favorites among your offspring, I can promise that you will set the entire group up for a lifetime of insecurity and comparisons. If you deny your kids the love and affection that they deserve, they will spend their entire lives in an empty pursuit of it. There's nothing worse than watching grown children gathered around the bed of a dying parent who has been hard, indifferent or abusive to them. The emotions wash through their faces as they flip though feelings of guilt and regret. If you're a parent, don't be lazy with your caring, conservative with your emotions or too prideful to be humble. It's never to late to start over if you've failed but the journey back is a long one.

Armed and Stupid

To say that I've had enough of the gun violence and the gun culture in America, would be an understatement. Even though the right wing loves to call for violence and then they refuse to take any responsibility for it when their misinformed and mindless followers act on their commands, it's far passed time that not just Democrats but the people who care about a better and safer future, go on the offensive. 

There have been 181 incidents of gun violence at schools since the events at Columbine. The assault weapons ban has expired thanks to a congress who is afraid of the NRA and their lobbyist and yet, the very first idiots out of the gate after any act of violence are the "guns don't kill people" crowd. I've heard all of the arguments and claims that the conservatives love to make and all of them are baseless and clueless. 

"We don't blame the car or ban cars when a drunk driver kills an innocent person so why should we ban guns?" First of all, nobody is trying to ban all guns and if you believe anything to the contrary, you're just not very smart. Intelligent gun control is how society deals with these problems. I'll accept your car challenge. Let's place guns on equal terms with owning and operating a car. Driving is a privilege and not a right, a license is required to operate one, a minimum age is required, registration is required and if you violate the law while operating one, there are extreme consequences. Wouldn't it be a good idea to at least require the same standards for guns that we require for cars? And, when I speak of a license test, I'm not talking about the farce currently known as the concealed carry courses offered around the Country with some guy named Cletus or Jimmy Bob handing out the certificates. I personally know of a local church that had a concealed weapons class that is a shining example of this stupidity. One of the participants shot himself in the leg during the course and still passed it. 

The second group out of the gate after these violent incidents is the "God isn't allowed in schools" crowd. Our religious culture has merged and become an arm of the republican party. Pat Robertson calling Obama a Muslim and a socialist, Franklin Graham calling Obama a sinner and deleting the reference to Mormonism being a cult from his website so that Christians would feel comfortable voting for Romney and who could ever forget the hit job from hell that took place every Sunday through Jerry Falwell? We have church members carrying weapons into church and believing that their real gods of Rush, Hannity , Beck and Capitalism have given them the right to use violence to overthrow the Government and any Democrat who crosses them. My question would be, is God everywhere or can he be blocked out by chalkboards? The argument of God being removed from schools is asinine at best. Students can bring bibles to school, they have rallies at the flag pole, they have religious clubs and Lord knows there is ample peer pressure in America to be a believer or risk eternal damnation. If kids can bring bibles to school and can pray there, how exactly has God been removed? Just because teachers do not force a certain version of religion upon their students, it doesn't mean that hell has erupted at school. These same folks would be angry beyond belief if a teacher was offering their views on Islam or encouraging their child to consider atheism. Religion and belief systems should be taught at home and shared at church. Church and State combined can only produce bastard and inbred results. What exactly is the prayer quota for keeping gun violence out of schools? Is 3 times a day good enough or is there another equation?

The NRA will send it's armies out in waves to try to debunk any relationship between guns and violence. We will also have political figures who will suggest making our schools into compounds with fences and body scanners. These folks will go to great lengths to distract from the real  discussion that is needed in America. This argument isn't unlike the healthcare debate. If every other modern Nation on the planet knows how to provide quality healthcare to everyone and they also have much less gun violence, are we above learning from tried and true methods? Lies can only be carried so long in a right wing bucket before they begin to evaporate. 

I, like many Liberal and Democrats, own guns and have my whole life. We are not trying to end gun ownership or to stop hunting or self defense but there comes a time, when the people become sufficiently pissed off and will demand change. Only certain people should own certain types of guns and some people shouldn't own any guns. The often quoted second amendment says "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. When this was written, the idea of a militia was relevant and there were no semi or fully automatic weapons as we know them today. Until we can have a discussion without the influence of big money and the NRA, we will continue on a downward spiral of violence and our kids will continue to pay for our sins of omission. 

The Southern Donkey Blog

The Hangover PartI

Now that the election is over and the good guys and girls have won, it's time to reflect on the events of the day. I assumed that we could at least have a day to enjoy the victory and that the losers would be in full retreat. I was wrong on both accounts. While I enjoyed a leaf and match moment after Ohio was called, there were others who were already crying foul, doom, disaster and decrying the end of human civilization. Don't even try to give me the insane talking point about how Democrats don't know how to lose or win with grace and dignity. Al Gore and the year 2000 is all the proof you would ever need to blow that theory away. We celebrate with positive affirming actions and look forward to a bright future when we win and when we lose, we accept defeat and begin the hard work of trying again. We don't make subversive and private deals to destroy the other sides governing power.
Perhaps the most disheartening things that have been posted on the day after the election are the extreme religious reactions and the failure of people to separate church and state within their lives. I was born and raised in a religious family and was given no choice in the matter until after high school. I remember when the attitudes at church in relation to politics changed in the mid 80's. The church became infected by the Reagan mentality and it was convinced by Falwell and others as to how much of a Saint this man was. The denomination that I came from consisted of non drinkers and they believed that anyone drinking would burn in hell but of course, this was overlooked when Ronnie would partake in giant beer chugs. Thanks to the 700 club, Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Focus on the Family and christian radio, church and state have been joined in an unholy matrimony that can't be broken. The Christian world view is an offspring of this union and has brought guilt into the mix. I observed a post today claiming that God would bless the USA despite what happened in the election and some saying that this was God's way of bringing about the end of the world and the most concerning were the postings about how could they face their kids and church classes and what could they say after this election result? I have several statements for these types of people. Number one on the list would be that if you serve a God who produces political guilt in your soul, then I want nothing to do with your version of God. There is no moral high ground in following a political party and there is no eternal impact upon a person's soul if they vote against the party that you believe in or fail to vote. We have gone from being consumed with hatred of Muslim culture and it's practices to a place where we insist and expect anyone running for public office or participating in a sporting event to show their Christian credentials at every opportunity. Christian persecution does exist but it's in reverse. It's the Christians who are doing the persecuting. Try being a Deist or an Atheist, a Jew or a even a Catholic and see how easy it is to live a life of  freedom. I have long since walked away from all of the guilt and strings that the church attempted to place upon me. I find myself looking in from the outside and it's hard to imagine that I ever truly believed all of the rituals and mind controlling philosophies shoved upon the masses. Churches that insist upon preaching the gospel of politics should have their tax exempt status taken away and then we would see if the faithful flock would stick around without the tax deduction benefits. When they make a point of preaching hate, partisanship or discrimination, it's not a matter of Big Government suppressing their freedoms but it's a matter of getting what they've asked for and deserve. I see so much racism dressed up and disguised as religious freedom and political party association. When 90% of a church congregation supports drug testing for welfare recipients and yet has no problem with corporate welfare or subsidies for Big Oil which trumps social welfare at a 10 to 1 clip, something is horribly wrong. The prevailing mentality and unsaid insinuation is that welfare goes to Black Americans who do nothing but sit around all day looking at their fancy cars, smoking weed and drinking cheap wine that they bought with food stamps. If it wasn't based in racism, the accusation wouldn't sting so badly for right wing, Christian republicans.
Reaching across the isle has been mentioned a lot lately but it doesn't count if you're reaching across to join hands with another republican on the other side. Believe me, Democrats know how to reach out and extend olive branches and we also know first hand what it feels like to have our hands slapped and the olive branches thrown back at us at full speed. Democrats have moved so far to the middle that we've crossed midfield. Until republicans figure out that America means more than a pledge to Grover Norquist , we can never begin to solve our problems as a Nation. We stand ready and willing to work on big solutions to big problems but the road blocks get really freaking old.
The current political climate demands that anyone running for political office be supportive of drone attacks and killing terrorist at any cost. It's not that it's correct or proper but just a sign of the times. The defense contractors make millions from the operation, development and building of these items and they are huge political donors to the campaigns. Some day, a truly brave soul will stand up and speak out against the atrocities committed in the name of homeland security and hopefully, the American People will be ready to hear the message and change our ways for the better. Exporting war should be a last resort and not an excuse to create wealth for the richest corporations in the world.
All this being said, there were some moments of great meaning on election night. As I started interacting with the members of the Southern Donkey group, I became emotional as many responded and thanked me for doing what we do. I find great comfort in our numbers and could never convey just how much each and every one of you mean to me. It's times like these that make me know that it's all worth while and make me feel like we're making a difference. The South can be a beautiful place but only as attractive as the manner in which we treat our fellow man regardless of their skin color, religion, sexual orientation or wealth. The republican party continues to exert control and dominion over the South in elections and politics but it's not as one sided as it once was. Overall, the South is locked in an approx. 60/40 split between republicans and Democrats but my hope is that someday we can rise up and speak out without the instant judgement associated with daring to break away from the approved religious and political standards that many have come to expect and assume.

TSD 11/07/2012

We Should Agree?

There were times in our political history that there were ways of agreeing on basic concepts in spite of our differences. Compromise wasn't always considered to be a dirty word or a sign of weakness. Below, I've listed a few basics that we have always agreed on or we at least should agree on no matter what your political affiliation.

Money should be limited and disclosed in politics. The current conservative leaning Supreme Court overturned our entire history with Citizens United.

Child labor laws are a good thing.

A minimum wage should be a living wage.

Government is not evil, it should be made of the people, by the people and for the people without people in Government trying to sabotage it's efforts in an attempt to privatize everything for a profit.

The Social Safety Net is not up for debate or for sale to the highest bidder. Medicare and Social Security are not giveaways but they allow people to retire and live in dignity without depending on cat food to survive.

Rape is always wrong and the victims shouldn't have to be placed on trial or pay for the medical assistance they require.

There is zero medical evidence to support the theory that rape victims can't conceive a child during the act.

Rape victims should not be obligated to carry the offspring to birth whether the act is done by a stranger or God forbid, a family member.

Rape victims that do conceive a child and give birth should not be under any obligation to the father to interact with them or allow them to see the child.

Abortion should be legal at least for a certain early time frame. Late term abortion should be a last resort and allowed in instances of danger to the mother's health.

The term "no free lunch" doesn't just apply to no work = no pay or food for individuals, it should also be applied to raising taxes are necessary in order to pay for the common goods...roads, bridges, etc. When the budget doesn't balance, it becomes necessary to raise taxes, especially on the wealthy.

The Country comes first, even if it means your opponent gets the credit for the idea or success.

Wealthy corporations don't need tax breaks for exporting American jobs or subsidies when they are making record profits.

Public education should be funded and guaranteed. We frequently hear how throwing money at education isn't the answer but shouldn't that apply to the military budget which trumps education spending by miles?

Politics and religion should not be mixed and the founding fathers were not mostly Christians. There should not be a religious test to run for office but your religion can and should be examined in order to ensure that you will put the Country over your faith and not use public office as means to end the world and force a religious Armageddon.

Racism has always existed and is alive and well. Civil rights and integration are needed and legitimate.

Women are equal to men and should have all the same rights, including thinking for themselves and voting.

Voting is a right and efforts to restrict voting, especially in ways that hurt certain citizens who vote certain ways is not only wrong but should be illegal.

Crazy people should not be able to own guns. People shouldn't be able to own cop killing weapons. We've reached a point where the NRA owns one political party and has placed a down payment on the other one. We are unwilling to make any restrictions on gun ownership. The NRA has a stance that anyone should own any gun for any reason and when the U.N. and the world try to ban even the trade and sale of illegal handguns, it becomes an attempt by the President to team up with the U.N. to take everyone's guns away...according to the NRA and fox news.

It's nobody's business what takes place in a bedroom between consenting adults.

We have a right to privacy.

And immigration policy straight from the Statue of Liberty- "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free."

Behind the Closet Door

Behind the Closet Door

I write this looking back at 45 years of history in my own life. I can't speak for anyone else but I can speak with authority about my own life and experiences. To say that my views and beliefs have changed many times in my life would be an understatement but I feel that my current convictions are built upon bedrock. Others may not know why they feel the way they do and might not be able to defend themselves but I swear in a fair and logical fight, I could go undefeated. 

When I was very young, it wasn't unusual to have friends and relatives spend the night and hang out. I remember one specific night, one of my friends stayed the night and we shared my twin bed. There was a very brief moment when we touched hands and although neither of us went any further than a light touch, it was just understood that we at least considered it. As far as I know, I've always been heterosexual but I can honestly say that I have had moments when I felt more or less masculine than others. There were also times in my life when others would confide in me about their closeted lives. I remember once when I worked at Wendy's, there was a female co-worker who I noticed copied my style (rolled up sleeves, hat tilt, etc.) and at one point, as we were cleaning up the pans after hours, she walked over and told me she was going out of town for the weekend to see her friend. I nodded in agreement and then she said "girl friend". Again, I just nodded and she then asked me if that bothered me? My response was, why should it? To say the least, we became pretty good friends after that and I never told the other workers anything about what I knew. There were also times that I knew that others were gay without them ever telling me and it just didn't matter. 

I've attended church throughout my life and I've watched as church has evolved from accepting racism openly to pushing it beneath the surface. Church remains the most racially divided establishment in America in my opinion. Although churches and pastors have always seemed to speak out against homosexuality, it has taken a nasty turn over the past few years. Many churches and members have begun to be militant against the sexual preferences of others. It has become commonplace for religious people to make fun of the gay community and to even endorse violence against LGBT individuals. I can't help but feel that the tide is turning and eventually, churches will evolve on this issue just as they have on slavery and the roles of women in the church. It becomes really difficult to cling to old testament segments without taking the whole of the law upon yourself. One must not pick out the hatred of same sex couples and not cling to the scriptures that ban mixing of cloth, eating shellfish or killing blasphemous children. There are other common sense reasons for changing the views on homosexuality that include the fact that as a rule, child sexual abuse doesn't come from homosexuals but rather heterosexuals. How would the churches who preach that the King James version of the bible is the only true word of God react if they found out that King James was in fact gay?

In the end, it comes down to the closet. While bigoted people would desire that all LGBT people remain in the closet, they fail to acknowledge or remember that they are the one's who are compelled to go into the closet. Matthew 6:6 tells Christians to go into their closets and shut the door and pray to their father in secret. There was never a commandment for gay people to hide and remain in the closet. 

I'm a free thinker and count myself as blessed to have friends of all races and all sexual orientations. I simply can't imagine life in an all straight culture or worrying about what everyone else chooses to do in the privacy of a committed relationship or behind closed doors. There truly isn't an in your face gay agenda that could ever equal the attacks made by well meaning, God fearing folks against anything LGBT. It is funny however that the most racist and sexist people in the world tend to shut up and behave while in the presence of the people that they are most disgusted by. Some day, society will be accepting of others because morality has nothing to do with skin color or who you choose to love or marry and it has nothing to do with your religious standing. Laws would exist regardless of faith or sexuality. Think about it.

TSD - 08-03-2012

Rights

You have a right to your opinion- I have a right to mine
Just because it's your opinion, doesn't make it correct
You have the right to be a religious as you chose- I have the right to be as free from religion as I may chose.
You do not have the right to impose your religion or morality onto others or kill, hate or harm in the name of any God.
You have the right to watch fox in your home- I have the right to ask for the channel to be changed at any business or restaurant that I may enter.
Watching fox has nothing to do with patriotism or freedom.
You have the right to be an obnoxious jerk face- I have the right to ignore you or respond in kind.
Daring to speak up or return fire isn't disrespectful.
You have the right to hate the government- I have the right to love it and defend it.
Government workers aren't the problem but are people so stop being jealous.
You have a right to go broke because of medical problems- I have the right to healthcare that covers us all and doesn't break the bank.
Being sick shouldn't be a matter of living only if you can afford care and it should be illegal to profit from the misery of others.
You have the right to defend corporate welfare- I have the right to defend human welfare.
Corporate welfare is 10 times higher than human welfare.
You have a right to right wing radio- I have the right to demand equal time for Liberal causes on the public airways.
Conservative media has a monopoly on the airwaves and it's not because it's preferred by the public.
You have the right to call yourself an independent or libertarian- I have the right to point out that you're hiding behind those titles when every viewpoint syncs up with the republican party.
Tea Baggers are also nothing but republican junk yard dogs.
You have the right to make up facts and pull figures from dark orifices- I have the right to call you a liar.
Every issue or opinion doesn't have two sides, sometimes there's a right and wrong side... period.
You have the right to be racist or homophobic- I have the right to point out these issues and make you feel embarrassed for being that way.
This is a case where a right is actually a wrong.

TSD-

The Civil War 2012

I've lived in the South my entire life so I have plenty of skin in the game. Some misunderstand my criticism of the South as hatred and some get defensive and want to rally around the South at all cost. The only way to make the South a better place for us all is to be honest and open about the good and the bad. Don't get me wrong, I know that there should be free speech and people have the right to have and to hold any feelings that they want however, just because someone has an opinion or feeling, it doesn't mean it's a good thing or justified or proper. We still have an alarming amount of people living under the mantra of "the south's gonna rise again". This basically amounts to a belief that the South was right in the civil war and that we were somehow wronged by the Northern aggression during the civil war. The pressure to not be openly racist and hateful has been a good thing and much of the sentiment as well as the rebel flag society has gone underground. There are a few brave souls who get rebel flag tattoos or run around with a huge flag attached to their truck but the more refined rebellion has now embraced the don't tread on me flag. It often feels that the civil war is being fought by the die hard South but just not with guns on a battlefield. The politics of the South has been co opted by an opportunistic republican party that considers Southern conservative voters to be their property and pet. The powers that be pour the hate, the racism, the fear and the religious guilt into the South through a funnel. The funnel runs through some churches, through conservative talk radio, through fox news and through peer pressure. This influence is unfiltered and hits the desired target at full force. The feeling of we'd rather be morally right that protect our best interest or provide a better future for our children is unbelievable and dangerous. You can't be in charge of your life as long as you're a pawn on a chess board. One day, I can only hope that we will wake up and realize that different doesn't equal evil and see that letting go of the past grudges does not make us weak. I crave an honest and open debate about real issues. The government is not out to get you and is not to be feared. We are the government even if there are republican elements that aren't capable of ever accepting a Democratic leader as fairly elected or legitimate. The facts are, the South isn't going to break away from the United States again, it's not the job of the South to "save" the rest of the heathens up north or out west and until we decide to think for ourselves and not be used, the South will never be all that it can be. Never find pride in ignorance and instead of trying to find an enemy to attack or rally against, can we find a way forward?

TSD