The Kids are not Alright

What is easy to screw up and almost impossible to fix? The answer is children. While some find it hard to remember what it was like to be young, I remember it with blazing clarity. I come from a place with a strong mother and a father who poured himself into his work with addictive commitment. Our household was bathed in religion and filled with love. I eventually learned to form my own opinions and as my life has taken many turns, I have arrived at solid ground in my personal life. Along the path, many of my stops have involved working with youth groups and talking to kids. Below, are just a few experiences that I want to share.
David was a kid in one of my youth groups. He was raised in a broken home by a mom who often exercised poor judgement, especially with men. I took a large group of kids on a retreat and as we sat around very late one night, David began to talk. He shared that he was aware that some people considered him to be crazy and he wanted to explain what makes him the way he is. He reflected back to a time when he lived in a trailer with his mom and she had started dating a guy who wasn't very good. Although he was only 12, he tried to tell his mom that she could do much better. His mom ignored his warning and as he came home from school one day, this same guy had his mom pinned against a table in the kitchen and was yelling at her and slapping her. He went in and pulled the abuser off his mom. As a reward, the guy hit David and went back after his mom. David remembered going to his bedroom and getting a baseball bat and returning to the kitchen. He admits to blacking out as he went after the man who was hurting his mom but he also said that when he snapped back to reality, the guy was out of the house and his mom was safe. He recalled that he determined in his mind that nobody would ever be able to hurt him again (physically) and as he looked over to me...he said, and they haven't. He apologized to the other kids in the room if he had ever been rude or mean to them. Later, there was a time when a kid ran into the room where we were working with the kids and said that David was about to get into a fight outside with another kid in our group. As I arrived on the scene, the two of them were nose to nose. I ended up squeezing between them and as David said he wasn't going to back down, I said well I guess we''ll all have to fight then because you gotta swing through me to get to him. I watched as David's hard heart began to break and a tiny teardrop formed. We went from the edge of a free for all to a life changing event in an instant. David began to change and to trust people again and my last interaction with him was his announcement that he was going to be a father. I'm not sure how the story of David has unfolded since that time but one thing I've learned is that it's easy to screw a kid up but nearly impossible to repair one. All stories are not as dramatic as David's but there are tons of others to choose from. When you become a parent, doesn't it make sense to at least take care of your kids and to love them? If you want to take an only child and make them believe that the world revolves around them, you have every right to do so but they will be in for a rude awakening when real life sets in. If you insist on playing the game of favorites among your offspring, I can promise that you will set the entire group up for a lifetime of insecurity and comparisons. If you deny your kids the love and affection that they deserve, they will spend their entire lives in an empty pursuit of it. There's nothing worse than watching grown children gathered around the bed of a dying parent who has been hard, indifferent or abusive to them. The emotions wash through their faces as they flip though feelings of guilt and regret. If you're a parent, don't be lazy with your caring, conservative with your emotions or too prideful to be humble. It's never to late to start over if you've failed but the journey back is a long one.